It's World Alzheimer's Month

My mum, Frances, was a Post Mistress in small village shop in Devon. My dad, John, was an electrician, farmer and member of St John Ambulance. Both were pillars of the community and always willing to help others in need.

In their late 60s, both had mini-strokes and early signs of memory loss. They joined a local dementia club for meals and activities with people in a similar situation.

Unfortunately, Dad’s health declined and in May 2018 he was admitted to hospital. I’d see Mum each week to mow the lawn and do odd jobs, and we’d visit Dad who moved into a nursing home nearby. My sister was struggling to cope with Mum, so we arranged for a carer, then eventually Mum moved into a care home. She was very happy there and I’d visit weekly and take her to see Dad.

Dad’s health eventually deteriorated, and he passed away in July 2019. Mum’s health also took a downward turn and she passed away in December 2022.

The practicalities of looking after parents with dementia can be very demanding, especially when you live an hour away. There were a lot of finances to sort out with bank accounts, the council and local authorities, and we had to sell their second home to pay for Dad’s ongoing care. I also arranged their medication. Thankfully Dad was extremely organised with all of the records and had arranged power of attorney for both health and wealth whilst preparing their wills and funeral plans, which proved hugely important.

Can you talk about the emotional journey you went through?

The most stressful time was not having funds for my parents’ care as the money was tied up in their property. Eventually the council agreed that we could use a deferred payment system.

The social care system initially tried to place Mum in a care home far away, which would have made it impossible for me to visit both in one day and Mum and Dad wouldn’t see each other again. Luckily, we managed to get her a care home locally.

It’s tough seeing the health of both parents worsen in their final years. Even with dementia, they always recognised me and Mum would want a hug. Although it was sad to see them deteriorate, there are still so many fond memories to look back on.