From struggle to strength: Rachel's transition

We're proud to share a message written by Rachel, a member of our very own LGBTQ+ Network. At EDF, our employee networks are integral to our inclusive culture. They are open to all and support our people whilst advocating for positive change.

Hi, I’m Rachel Cruz, Energy Specialist and Site Lead for the LGBTQ+ Supporters Network and also Site Lead LGBTQ+ Officer for Unison. 

Transgender Day of Visibility (TDoV) observed worldwide and raises awareness about transgender people. A day to celebrate the lives and contributions of transgender people and also to draw attention to the poverty, discrimination and violence that the community faces.

I’ve been transitioning for nearly nine years and have been on estrogen for eight years. April 25th will mark five years post gender reassignment surgery (GRS) and I’m nearly three years post breast augmentation.

Life for me is good. It’s what you make it. We all have a story to tell, so here’s mine, and the fact that I’m here today is quite a miracle in itself.

Let me take you back to where it really began

It was 1953, my dad and his brother Charlie were at a dance hall. My uncle Charlie approached my mum first, asking her out to the cinema the following day, agreeing to meet her at hers at 7pm. My dad turned up at 6pm, and said to my mum that Charlie couldn’t make it and that he’d take her to the cinema instead (unbeknownst to my uncle Charlie...). My mum, relieved to see my dad, confessed it was actually him she fancied and was pleased to see him.

Two days later they were married. The honeymoon phase didn't last very long as my dad left to train with his squadron for the war and was due to head out for Burma. Before he was due to leave, he got the news that his father had been killed in combat, granting him compassionate leave, and his squadron left for Burma without him. Shortly after, he found out his entire squadron had been killed. 

The start of my story 

After the war, my parents had four children. The eldest was my sister, then twin boys, and finally another boy. Their family was complete. But after feeling unwell one day, my mum found out that she was pregnant yet again with me! It was a total shock, as I wasn’t planned, but Rachel Cruz was determined to be here wasn’t she?

I remember dressing up at four years old, wearing my mum's shoes and playing shop and house with my niece. It felt quite normal. As the years passed, I continued to dress up in secret and would buy clothes, dress up, then would then feel guilty and would throw everything out. This cycle would repeat for many years. 

I got engaged for the first time at 18 years of age and even got into bodybuilding. At 22, I weighed 25 stone and would train in the gym for three hours a night, six days a week, simply to escape who I truly was. When I was 43, I got engaged for the sixth time and was with my fiancé for five years, and I’d not dressed up in secret once. I had this beat. 

My wedding day

The day of my wedding came and as I was standing at the alter with my best man, I heard the organist start to play. This was it. She stood beside me, she looked so beautiful she took my breath away. But from nowhere, I said to her that I had something to tell her. We excused ourselves from the priest and went into a room at the side of the altar. 

I said to her that I couldn’t marry her, in order to be true to her and myself, I told her I was a transgender woman. I’d carried this with me for over forty years, and I didn’t expect myself to say it on our wedding day.